omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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