So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
