she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
