Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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