i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I faked an abortion last night.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You made out with two different species that night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
