"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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