And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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