You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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