i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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