Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
