There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
