I just saw a hot homeless man
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
