what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
