She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
