Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
