My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
