Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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