yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
