Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Two words: blizzard sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize