You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
