He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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