Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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