Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
