There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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