i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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