Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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