I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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