Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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