I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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