Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
