Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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