it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
