He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
