I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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