never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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