I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
