I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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