today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
