I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
