New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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