I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This is classic penis vs brain.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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