I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize