After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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