just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
id be glad to
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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