who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
