I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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