chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
