:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
