Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
