I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
