We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
