he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
