we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
