Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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