You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
