you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
