he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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