goodnight i made you a song goodbye
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
