Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
