WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got chris browned last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
