This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
