Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
