Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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