Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
