Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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